The Girl Time Forgot
by viridis.albus.aurum
Summary: Holly Potter has always felt a disconnect from her peers. The forgotten child of the famous Potters, the hidden sibling of the Boy who Lived, she struggled to find a place where she truly belonged. When an accident sends her back in time and tampers with her memories, she suddenly find a place she wants to call home, the only problem, what does she do when she remembers who she is?
1. The Timeturner

The view from the window was dire. The marquee, fields and if she squinted enough she could see the gnomes they'd diligently cleared only hours before already sneaking along the grass to return to their flower pots and bushes.

Feet propped up carelessly on the table before her, the teen shifted slightly in her seat. She was turning the time-turner in her hands round and round, anxiety building with each spiral of the sands within, being careful to never actually turn it with any purpose lest she actually travel anywhere. She didn't want to have to leave, not in a time of so much trouble. Her place was with her friends, with her brother Harry, or at least doing something useful. Not running for the hills in fear. But it seemed the decision was being made with or without her consent and arguing it was apparently futile. Alex Johnson, her mother in all respects but the biological ones, was putting her foot down. When that happened, it was time to listen. She bore enough marks from stinging hexes in retaliation to her not paying attention through her youth. Alex never had much patience. It was most likely something to do with never having really wanted kids, but raising a daughter out of duty.

So, Holly Potter was in short, about to disappear off the face of the planet from the next month or so, until she was safely restored to the walls of Hogwarts. Alex had secured a time-turner for the trip in case she was spotted so she could change her location and warn whoever would be guarding her, although, in her reckoning, she highly doubted there was much safe about the castle either with Dumbledore dead. Which was why she'd been working on her own plan to go underground and help out the Order of the Phoenix, but somehow, she doubted Alex would run with it.

Sighing once, she lowered her feet to the ground and sat upright, watching the events going on outside. Bill and Fleur's wedding. It was the perfect cover for her to disappear. There were so many people; one teen wouldn't be missed from the crowd. Kneading her knuckles against her forehead, she could feel a tension headache rising. It was too much to deal with. She had Alex, Remus and the Order members urging her to keep quiet, head down, and not say anything about Harry. She knew of course, that he wasn't going back to school. She was his twin; and despite the ravine of differences between them, he at least knew she had to be kept up to date on his intentions too. So he had, the second she'd alighted at the burrow. But he was asking her to keep him informed of every little happening. Which meant dirtying her nose in affairs that she'd much rather keep herself out of.

She had her own enemies, especially those that had uncovered the train wreck of a relationship she'd had with Malfoy the previous year. She didn't love the git, she supposed she never had, but there was something maternal in her mind about him. Ever since she'd stumbled across him in that bathroom - a pretty sight with rumpled hair and tear stained cheeks – she hadn't been able to stay away. Until of course, he'd set the ball in motion for Dumbledore's death. The guilt for the part she'd played, no matter how small, was going to haunt her for life. Albus Dumbledore was dead, and she had been too busy playing mother hen to notice the warning signs.

Her lips disappeared into a thin line, one which rivalled even McGonagall's, and she sullenly shook off the thoughts. She needed to focus on the tasks at hand. All her necessary worldly possessions were packed into her trunk, right down to her favourite hooded sweater, and shrunken down to fit in her backpack. It was heavy, but a number of charms had been placed on it to somewhat lessen the load, and her wand was strapped to her hip, just under the skirt she was wearing. She'd changed from the gown that she'd sported for the wedding almost immediately after everyone had eaten, and was now just waiting to say her goodbyes. A knock on the door made her raise her head slightly, and she eyed the redhead standing there apprehensively.

"Barney?" She hated aliases, purely due to the fact that she had trouble enough keeping track of her own name half the time. It'd taken nearly a year before she'd been able to introduce herself as Holly Potter, in lieu of Holly Johnson. She still slipped up from time to time as it happened. The boy was hovering indecisively, confused by his own name for a moment, until he decided that was what it was and nodded.

"How long do I have left?"

"About an hour, Remus and Tonks are trying to say their goodbyes but Molly keeps shovelling more cake into them." Barney/Harry's smile was sheepish, but Holly grinned. Typical Molly, she didn't even know the plan but she was doing her best to help. Even if that help just so happened to be a hindrance. Remus and Tonks were to usher her from the party, under the pretence that Nymphadora was tired. No one would think anything of Holly going with them, she'd been ferried between Remus and Alex most years since they'd made up after Sirius's discovery. From there, Alex was going to take her to the next spot whereupon she'd be passed onto Shacklebolt. He alone would know her location, and would keep her safe should the closer members of her family and friends be asked questions.

All the hiding was needless in her opinion, Voldemort had Harry's blood. He was immune to the pain caused by their touch. He could manipulate her brother's dreams and thoughts. What use was she to the Death Eaters? She wasn't even that close to the Trio. She was a friend yes, but she didn't share the bonds they had. She had spent more time with Fred, George and Lee than her own brother the past six years. She hadn't even spent her summers with Harry at Dumbledore's behest. In addition to the fact that Alex's two bed flat barely was big enough for the two of them, Holly hadn't really had all that much by way of bonding time with her brother.

"Hols. You've got to be careful okay. Hermione, Ron and I, we're going to be trying to avoid most of the trouble. But we might step on a lot of toes without meaning to. I don't want you, or Gin or anyone else at school to bear the brunt of that."

As far as heartfelt speeches went, that was probably one of the most sincere to leave Harry's lips in a long long time. Her brother may've been the boy who lived, and had an uncanny knack for getting people out of tricky situations, however the fact regularly overlooked was that Harry placed people in those situations more often than not. She managed a lopsided smile nevertheless, brushing some straggling hair off of her shoulder and dropping the time-turner into her pocket.

"Don't you worry about me. You work on the mission you have, and figure out how to stop Voldemort okay? Leave the rest to Dumbledore's Army. We can handle ourselves." And they could. They'd stood their ground in the Department of Mysteries not so long ago, and against Umbridge too.

Harry, or Barney, had a scowl on his face that reflected his disbelief of their ability to protect themselves and she moved off of her seat to place a kiss on his cheek. "We'll be okay. Thinking about us will distract you. Go make Hermione take half those books out of her bag now, before she tears a hole in her shoulder alright? I'm pretty sure she doesn't need those novels by Lockhart there, and she's going to need someone to talk sense into her to take them out." She patted his arm awkwardly, trying not to let her own discomfort shadow what could be the last time she really spoke to him.

"Off you go, I have things under control. Promise" As he hesitated, she gave him a gentle shove towards the door. She hated saying goodbye, it was easier to pretend she'd see him soon. It was mostly how she'd coped losing Sirius. Realizing how much she wished she could have said goodbye to _him,_ her shoulders stiffened and she shrugged off the ridiculous feelings of unease and hugged her brother.

"Be safe." It was as close to it as she could get, and somehow, Harry understood it. He returned the hug and sentiment in kind before slinking back out through the door and into the mass party goers.

Holly moved to the living room, running a hand through her hair once again. She was stressed to the nth degree, partially because she felt as if whatever they tried to do now, it was all but useless to bother. Voldemort was sodding winning. Nothing they could do would stop him. Moody was down, George had lost a damned ear – and Dumbledore was gone.

Sirius.

Cedric too.

Her legs buckled to the couch, hands burying themselves down to the roots of her hair. So much death. Pain. Loss. All because of that monster. Tom Riddle wasn't even human anymore. He was a nothing, surrounded by a skin of hatred and deceit and mindless ambition. She pulled out the small item from her pocket again, wondering if she could jimmy with the charm that relegated it for a few hours and go back to before Riddle was orphaned and either smack some sense into the boy or find him someone to love him. That would change all the crap that'd happened, she could have had a proper relationship with Harry, and they'd have had parents and grown up as a unit. She might still have Ric.

The bag was still resting on her back, weighing a little heavier when coupled with emotions and it was this way she was when a shout rang out from outside. More akin to a scream. Head rising, her body bristled with sudden fear.

What was that?

The sound of chaos pervaded her senses there and then, the teen almost tripping over the ground in her haste to get outside and see what was going on. Flinging open the Weasley's backdoor, ignoring every sense that was urging her back into the house; she was assaulted by utter hysteria. People ran in every direction, some spilling into the home and shoving her aside. Amid the panic, black clad figures were appearing. Ron, Hermione and Harry were gone. Her heart almost stopped then and there, and hazel eyes lifting she spotted a one particular masked individual heading towards Remus and Alex, both of whom trying to protect a group of kids who had huddled into the corner. Reaching forward, she drew breath not realizing the consequences of what she was about to do. One word was all it took to change everything. One shout to draw the attention…

"LOOK OU-…..!" She didn't even get to finish her sentence as the figures whirled; wands pointed at her defenceless self. She threw her hands in the air at the threat, blinking once, twice, as the beams of light flew her way. A blast of colour invaded her senses, and the time-turner in her fingers exploded in a myriad of light and her body felt like it was being torn asunder by steel and fire.

Blackness followed. 

* * *

She was falling. It was the only way possible to describe the sensation. Her arms were rising and ebbing as a cool breeze blew her hair over her face. Lips opening in a silent scream she struggled to draw breath. She had to get down, go back and help Alex. Help Remus. Help Harry. The last name stayed with her, even as she collided with the ground, something red and sticky already on her face as her head slammed into earth. Light burst around the teen for a second, a rasping breath leaving her mouth. She needed to remember something. Someone. Her eyes flickered closed as every feeling of aching, pain and shock left her. Someone screamed. The name came into her mind like a lifeline and she grasped at it.

Harry…..

Har….

Who?... 


	2. Sunshine

Her hands were pinned to her sides, body trapped. She hated being boxed in, and fear flooded her senses as they came alive. Pain blossomed over each and every nerve, her eyes adjusted to the light, the sensations so intense that she felt like clamping her lids shut again.

Taking an unsteady breath, lips cracking as her mouth opened, the girl shifted in the bed to loosen the sheets. She wasn't trapped, just tightly tucked in. She had no idea where she was, and if glancing about the room was supposed to help, it didn't. It was a small, plain space, occupied by a familiar looking trunk, a compact wardrobe and a bedside table. A candle sat on top of the small table, flickering softly and throwing shadows against the wall. The curtains, a soft rose to match the bedspread, were drawn but faint light crept through them. A painting hung opposite her, beside the open doorway. The thought occurred to her to call out and someone might come running. But would that someone be trustworthy? She didn't know what to feel, her body aching but her fear abating at the homeliness of the room. If whomever owed the place felt like killing her surely they'd have opted for a cell instead?

She opened her mouth to speak but it just didn't seem likely with the state of her throat. It was torn, almost like she'd been shouting continuously for a long time.

Her hand jerked, Holly slowly manoeuvring it free of the tucked bedspread and touching her fingers to her neck. Pressing in softly, a moan escaped her at the pain. It was as if every single cell in her body was in agony.

But why? She tried to bring to memory why she felt like she'd been run over by a truck, thrown in a tumble dryer then given a smack down by a wrestler, but all she could recall was floating. The echoes of a scream. Before that though? Absolutely _nothing_.

It was as if empty space was all that occupied the space her memories should be. All lesser worries were driven out of head at this realization. She knew her name. It was…something? She was seventeen... or was it eighteen? She attended Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. That was something. She knew that much, but everything else felt hazy. Faces, names and feelings – they were all hovering just out of reach.

Her throat grew tighter as she mulled it over. She had people she loved - didn't she? She could see them, hovering in her minds eye but faceless. Nameless. Connectionless. If she'd had the strength she would've attempted to pull her hair out by its roots over the annoyance this lack of familiarity was causing her. She couldn't even grasp at her name. Groaning again, the girl pressed her fingers to her eyes and rubbed at them. Angry tears were welling up already, and she sniffed once, the sensation making her sore throat feel even worse. About to do her best to curl up, or lie as still as possible be the case may be her attentions were caught by the ugly sensation in her abdomen that said she needed to pee. As if her day wasn't bad enough, she _was_ bursting.

A knock on the door interrupted her wallowing. Her eyes darting up, a figure was bathed in shadows from the hallway, just far enough out of visibility to make her nervous. Seeing she was awake, the figure stepped closer. His grey eyes were narrowed suspiciously, shoulder length black hair sticking out at odd ends from a restless sleep. Licking his lips, his feet tethered on the edge of the room, where the silver divider split the hallway from her room, before moving forward.

"So you're awake?" The question wasn't so much a question as a statement, and while her first instinct was to tell him to sod off, he surprised her by bearing an expression of absolute relief. She thought then that he knew her, but for the fact that she didn't recognise him. He didn't feel threatening now that she could see him fully. He bore the mark of sleep on his face, eyes puffy and red patches on his cheeks. His pyjamas were a mismatch of tartan bottoms and a steel grey t-shirt that had some band name on it. Realizing his question wasn't rhetorical, she nodded her head.

"You okay?" She shook her head. He took another step in, looking awkward. Creeping closer, she could count a few freckles dotted over his nose, obviously brought out by recent time spent in the sun. So it was still summer, or at least early autumn. She hadn't been unconscious for that long then. He was close enough now that she could distinguish the different shades of light in his hair, being picked up by the candle and curtain gap. Trying once again, a raspy sound left her throat. He simply looked confused. Urging her vocal chords into action against their will, finally there was a result.

"Bathroom." She sounded absolutely horrid and the expression he held after hearing her speak confirmed she wasn't the only one to think so. Nevertheless, the point was made and the boy grinned.

"I can at least help with part of that," He released the edges of coverings, freeing her arms and when she winced, helping her into a sitting position. They had to pause there because she was already drained at the movements.

"Can you er-," His arm was holding her steady, "Stand? And walk? I mean, I'm sure you can do both normally but you look a little…beat up, y'know? Do you need me to carry you?" Glaring at him, she felt her gaze slip past him at the sight of something else. The light had gotten brighter outside the curtain now, and the movement of the boy through the room had upturned some particles of dust.

The result happened to be a cacophony of light, highlighting every imperfection in its path. It reminded her of something. Her heart rate sped up, body coiling tighter than it already was. Her eyes unfocused then realigned as she caught sight of the light beams that were hitting the floor. Her body relaxed, it was only sunshine. The boy was looking at her intently and feeling uncomfortable at his gaze, she half smiled and forced herself to calm down.

"Sunshine. I see sunshine" Words soft, she said it partly to distract him but equally to soothe her fears. It was only sunshine. She wasn't in danger. He hitched a brow, but said nothing and manoeuvred her so her hand sat across his shoulder. "Help me as far as the bathroom. I'll manage from there." With each set of words her voice was getting clearing and it'd be something she was immensely grateful for. Instead of his lifting her by the arms as she'd thought would happen, the boy slipped a limb beneath her legs and hefted her off the bed as if she weighed no more than a bag of sugar. Momentarily impressed, she let him carry her out of the room gently. She was pleasantly surprised to find the rest room near enough, so she didn't feel like such a sod when he got to put her down a moment later.

"You'll be able to go in yeah?" He seemed almost hesitant to let her go. Rolling her eyes with effort, she stumbled past him with a few choice words. She'd been asleep for days if what he had implied with his initial greeting, and therefore her bladder was well past its bursting point. Unless he wanted to be mopping the lovely wooden floors beneath their feet, he'd better move. Which he promptly did as soon as she'd said as such.

A few minutes later, after much hobbling, more breaks and then utter relief, the teen moved to the mirrors in the bathroom. She rubbed at her eyes blearily after rinsing and drying her hands on the fluffy towels beside the sink before glancing into her reflection. It was now the shock hit her most. She was dressed in a hospital style night gown, but anywhere that was bare was covered in fading bruises. Some, like one across her cheekbone, still looked black, but the healing ones gave her an almost jaundiced look. Riveted by the mess of her body, it took a second longer for her to process that something was missing. Her hands flew to her bare scalp, a scream ripping its way from her throat before her eyes rolled backwards, darkness claiming her once more. 

* * *

"I told you to wake me when she did! You knew I was going to grow back her hair first thing this morning!" A woman's voice was echoing above her head - bringing her forcefully back to reality. She knew the sounds were close, but something was throbbing in her head and making the noises come in a rolling motion. Like she was listening to waves reach a shoreline and crash into the sand before they retreated once more. Groaning softly, the attempts to get herself into an upright position were thwarted by unseen hands, mostly due to the fact that the girl couldn't crack her eyes open.

"Settle down Sunshine. You gotta stay still." At the use of her own words earlier, and in a condescending tone at that, she struggled even more so against the arms.

"Let me go. I need to sit up."

"Sunshi-," The fist was swift and sore; the resounding crack of knuckle on nasal bridge loud enough to cause the room to wince, but it did the job. She was now fully awake, sitting upright and glaring at the dark haired male on the floor with an almost smug expression but for the fact that she was pretty sure she'd fractured every bone along her hand.

"Sirius!" Ah, that was his name. "You got decked by a girl!" The voice was coming from a boy at the door, sporting glasses and tumble of messy black hair as if he'd just stepped off of a broom. The unconscious action he undertook next, which was to run his hands through that hair, made it look even worse. His hazel eyes glittered, and all in all he looked damn familiar but she couldn't place it as to why.

"James Potter! Language! You may get away with it while your fathers home, but with a lady in the room you most certainly will not. Now out! All of you! I'd heal that nose Sirius, but you can let the pain be a lesson. Out, out, OUT!" Her last shout reverberated through the girl's head. Watching the boys leave them, she pressed her burning hand to her lips. Closing the door after them, her host stepped forwards and smiled softly, wrinkles crinkling about her eyes in a way that screamed wise but not old. It was the strands of hair around her sun darkened skin that did that, strawberry blonde locks fading into almost white.

She couldn't have been more than sixty five, which meant that she must've been quite mature when popping out the children in her life. Or perhaps the glasses sporting teen was her youngest? He and Sirius, his brother perhaps, must have been her age. Maybe there were older siblings too, ones she might yet meet. Holly felt a stab of something in her stomach. Almost like jealousy, but how did that make sense? She didn't even know these people? The bed creaked as the woman sat, her smile still in place but caution lurking behind her eyes. They were a soft green, but hazel patches were scattered along the edge of the iris like shards of broken glass.

"Are you okay dear?" She took her wand from her pocket, gently tapping it against her hand and the girl found her hand instantly better. "That should've mended the bones. I'm afraid for the moment I can't do anything for your hair, or the bruising. The potions I used when Albus brought you here, they kept the pain away, but slowed down certain components in other spells. Seems hair regrowth and clot dispersal were some of them. I've been feeding it to you in lesser amounts over the past three days, considering I was able to mend most of your bones and outer lacerations, so it should be out of your system in time for me to grow it back before the weekend."

There was silence as Holly simply looked at her, trying to figure out whom the hell Albus so happened to be, and how she'd gotten here in the first place? The windows allowed her a glimpse of typical English countryside, along with the rain of typical English Summers but no more than that. She was confused and scared and this woman seemed to know something.

"Who are you? How do you know me? Do you know me? Who am I?!" Succumbing to her tidal wave of questions, she felt panic rising up in her chest. The woman hushed her gently, taking her hands in her own and told her to relax; she would tell her all she knew. 

* * *

Sitting in the bed a few hours later, a meal on her lap, Holly was wrapped up so entirely in her thoughts that it would've been as if she weren't even in the room but for the fact the bed was the central focus of it. Her name was Holly Potter, a seventh year Gryffindor if her uniform uncovered was any explanation. Elizabeth Potter, and her husband James, had been the ones to take her in when the man called Professor Dumbledore had arrived on their doorstep with her mangled and bleeding body in his arms.

He'd come across her by chance. She had appeared out of thin air in the back garden of a family known as the Weasleys, where the homeowner's brother in law had been entertaining a new girlfriend. The man, Fabian, had recognised her injuries as clearly magical, particularly when the few healing spells he'd attempted didn't work. Only one had, mending the skin on her scalp that she'd sustained on hitting the ground. Fabian had contacted Dumbledore, unsure if she was dangerous or in need of protection, and the headmaster had arrived promptly to carry her off to the Potters home for healing.

Along with the scalp tear, most of her ribs had been fractured, and there where fine white lines running over her breast bone and upper arms. Elizabeth suspected the marks were from dark magic, and hadn't been able to heal them. The Potters and Dumbledore had gone through her belongings, finding her trunk and text books and clothing, but nothing that told them who she was or where she had come from. Her name was lifted from the covers of her class notes. Her age was lifted from a lone birthday card bearing a black furred puppy. It was dated July 31st and wished her a happy seventeenth birthday inside. It was signed Alex, but no surname.

Elizabeth had hoped Holly herself might have been able to answer some of those questions, but the teen was drawing a blank. All she was aware of now was that she was in the Potter home in the outskirts of Godric's Hollow, no memory of the people she knew before her arrival there.

All that was left to know, was….well,…...

 _Everything._


	3. Evans

Holly didn't take long to adjust to the Potter household. Once she was well enough to get out of the bed and work off her stiff limbs, she was on a roll. James and Sirius insisted on bothering her daily, whether it happened to be if she wanted a drink or something to eat to something absurd like if she thought their friend Remus should've washed behind his ears that morning. Anything at all to get themselves into the room with her.

They were joined by two other teens by the end of the week, Remus who looked like he'd been through his own tussle with dark magic judging by the scars, and Peter, a smaller but plumper fellow, but infinitely kind and always trying to make her laugh.  
Their actions, as annoying as they could be, were appreciated. They wished to be her friends. Even if she couldn't remember who exactly she happened to be, or where she was even from, she felt like she was a part of the crowd. Lacking memories was lonely, and the boys served as an excellent distraction to keep her out of her own head. Elizabeth treated her like a long lost daughter, and James Senior, whom she met the afternoon of her awakening, spent half his time clearing the boys lest they interfere with her healing. She had a sneaking suspicion that what he meant by healing, she'd have counted as her innocence.  
Sirius was by far the worst, quipping jokes of the filthiest nature without a second thought or blush. Initially it made her uncomfortable, but after a few hundred jokes regarding knobs and knockers, she was mostly desensitized to it.

Licking at her lips absently, she shifted into a more comfortable position on the arm chair in the living room, listening to James and Sirius plotting something that sounded not only horrific, but liable to get them all castrated.  
"So we plant the balloons over the entrance to the girls' dorms?" James's eyes had taken a manic glint, as he sketched a rough diagram of the Gryffindor common room. And by rough, she meant it. James Potter was by no means an artist. She could just about make out the squiggly lines that were evidentially supposed to be couches.  
"We have to pull it off on a warm day. It's no use if they're all in their robes or jumpers." Sirius was the mastermind of the whole thing, and Holly found herself planning to find out the particulars lest she get caught unawares. Her white school shirts weren't exactly designed to be wet, and what with the ridiculous bra's she had uncovered in her trunk, a wet shirt wouldn't exactly be the best idea. Sirius might  
just seize on the spot.  
"You two are going to get us expelled." Remus had piped up now, looking at them disapprovingly and closing his book. "Besides, if you really want it to work, the girls need to come down at once or the surprise is ruined. They'll be carting umbrellas with them once the first batch gets soaked." Holly threw him a disgruntled look, he had sounded like he actually cared for a moment. He flashed her a wolfish grin, shrugging shoulders in an expression that felt like 'If you can't beat them, join them'.  
"Simultaneous dungbomb attack?" Peter suggested almost seconds later, to which Holly quickly vetoed. Explaining that such things would ensure the Marauder's slow, painful and untimely deaths considering the smell took ages to fade, she was met with a slow, but unanimous, agreement. If nothing else, she could try spare the girls weeks of torture on top of the inevitable humiliation.  
"Right then Sunshine, fill us in on how-ow!.. we get the vast majority of the female population of Gryffindor out of their dorms and wet at once then." Sirius's voice was genuine, even as the girl slammed her fist into his arm at the nickname. He hadn't let it go since their first meeting almost two weeks ago now. Neither had he let go the fact she'd broken his nose, yet instead of being angry he was thrilled. Finally, and these were his words, he had met someone who could throw a decent punch.

"Don't answer it Holly. He'll corrupt you." Remus interjected as she opened her mouth to tell him where to shove his ideas, and she shook her head at the fair haired boy. She had taken to him the best after Sirius, when he wasn't giving into his own corruption. He was quiet when she needed to think, logical where the others were brash and there was warmth to his smiles that sent her knees to jelly. James was a whirlwind of quidditch ninety percent of the time, daydreamed about it the other ten percent and everything else was just a momentary distraction.

His drawing skills may have been lacking when it came to fixing together a sketch of the common room, but he could rustle up a play idea in seconds. That was where the cliché ended though, because while regular sportsmen focused on nothing but the sport, James had an uncanny knack of being able to come up with pranks, had the best scores of the school in Transfiguration and in competition for them with only Sirius. He _also_ had an annoying habit of bringing some Lily Evans girl into conversation whenever there was chance. Sirius had already asked Holly if she could go for a knock out the next time he brought her up. She was in agreement. She was also game for breaking said Black's nose again if he mentioned his copious amount of girlfriends one more time either. James particularly liked that plan.

Sirius was handsome in a privileged, upper class way. He was rough around the edges though, sporting more muggle wear than the average wizard on top of religiously tinkering around with a motorcycle he kept in the Potters shed outside. Holly had gathered he owned his own place in London city, but seemed to enjoy hanging out at the Potter house more. She had learned he wasn't a Potter himself, but had moved in a few years previously. He even had his own room, covered in muggle posters and strewn with both clean and dirty clothing. Most the images were of motorbikes and the odd, artfully hung semi naked lady, but those were half hidden by the bikes. Probably just for Elizabeth's sake.

Despite the irritations he could heap on her, he was actually a bit of a sweetheart when he wanted to be, and if she had to choose a best friend to have, she'd gladly have picked Sirius. Peter was a little bit behind the others in brains and independence from what she could tell but he was as deeply embroiled in their sodding plotting as anyone could be. There was a niggling feeling that she too, by the time Summer came to an end, would be in just as deep. The Marauders, for that was what they called themselves complete with silly nicknames, were a sort of fuzzy black hole. Dragged you in, but never made you feel uncomfortable about it.

Or at least, that was how she was getting to know them. She hoped it wouldn't change. Teeth finding her lower lip at this sudden agitation, she noticed that the boys had gone on with their plan and were now attempting to plan an only girls' dorm fire-drill. Blinking at them she was going to interject and try to talk them out of it altogether, when someone else beat her to it.

"HOGWARTS LETTERS BOYS!" Rose's voice carried up the stairs and with a pop she apparated into the room causing the girl to jump slightly. Remus chuckled and she aimed a kick at his shim in retaliation. Elizabeth grinned at Holly and thrust some yellowed parchment in her direction, "Oh Holly! I forgot you were in here. Don't kill me for addressing you as part of that motley crew, it certainly wasn't intentional" Stifling a sort of beam, simply because she liked the motley crew, she took the letter and glimpsed at her name on the front.

"Why is there one for me? I mean, I don't even know…," She trailed off as a high pitched screech worthy of a gaggle of boy crazy teenage girls was emitted from beside her, tearing through her eardrums and causing the entire room to wince. Turning to glare at Sirius from whom the ghastly noise had erupted, she discovered the source of his shock. James 'Prank master' Potter was holding a shining badge in his hand. One that caused Rose to tear up instantly as she wailed about how proud she was of her boy. One also that Sirius, Remus and Peter were still staring in horror at. James simply looked stunned.

"Big-Head Boy." The words left Holly's lips before she could curb them, not knowing where the thought sprang from but instantly regretting it. Sirius burst out laughing but Rose looked affronted. "Sorry. Someone said that…or hexed a badge to say that. Can't remember who though." The words were a jumble she tried to get them out fast enough to wipe the look off of the elderly woman's face.

In fact, it did work but not in the way she'd hoped. Elizabeth was now crying at both Potter teens, switching between pride in her son, and elation that Holly had recalled something, even as miniscule as that statement. Holly herself wanted the embarrassing debacle to end. A glance at James's face showed her that he felt the same.

* * *

London was filled to the brim with people, each shoving past each other to try get to their destination without so much as a second thought of those they stood on toes of and elbowed. Holly had knotted her fingers into Remus's hand in front and behind her Sirius had his nails digging into her shoulders lest she trail off. Resisting the urge to snap that she'd lost her memories not her sense of direction, she was about to crack when some woman left a stiletto imprint in the side of her foot. Yowling like a cat caught by its tail, she literally walked into Remus's back when he came to a sudden halt in a half opened doorway.

"Evans watch, Padfoot!" The sandy haired boy's voice carried just far enough for both black haired teens behind him to hear, and Holly was pretty certain that Sirius groaned.

"What's going on?" Confused now and pain forgotten, she allowed herself be tugged into the musty bar that was the Leaky Cauldron. The decibel level was if possible, louder here, so Sirius's response fell on deaf ears. She, however, figured it out for herself just a moment later. James had sidled off towards a table at which a few girls were perched, one of which he seemed to be speaking to. Getting closer, she twigged that he wasn't so much speaking as gloating.

"…Head Boy. I know what you must be thinking, right Evans? How can Dumbledore choose me eh? Well, he must see something great in me no? So how about a date then?! Go on Evans, give us a chance." The redhead nearest, supposedly Evans, was staring in a sort of delayed shock. Her green eyes betrayed an assortment of emotions, settling on indifference as she turned back to her friends.

"Give Lupin his badge back Potter, and sod off. I told you before, we are never going to date. _Ever"_ Holly watched on as the boy's face fell for a second, feeling a flicker of anger ignite. James was nothing but an overgrown, quidditch obsessed puppy. He at least deserved a chance. Or to snap back. What surprised her more was that he didn't retaliate, he just powered through.

"Lily, I'm not kidding. It's my badge, see my na-" He was still grinning, even as Lily turned to glare at him once again and cut his protestation short.

"Really? So you're telling me that Dumbledore, the greatest wizard of our time, gave the position of responsibility over his students to you? You, James Potter of the oversized ego and the pea sized brain?!" Holly's mouth dropped now in perfect synchrony with the rest of the Marauder's at the audacity of the witch, but the insults didn't stop there, no, the redhead was on a roll, words spoken in an almost offhanded way, "The position of Head Boy in the capable hands of a quidditch playing, serial dating, vomit inducing, prankster with more hair on your head than sense?"

The girl wheezed to a halt, leaving a vast amount of jaws unhinged and bug eyed gazes trained on her. Holly, being the first to recover, shook free of Sirius's grasp and moved towards the table, slamming her hands down on the wood with enough force that her bones jostled and her injuries ached. She was also pretty certain she'd gotten herself a damn splinter in the process.

"Oi! How dare you?! How bloody well dare you say such horrid things to him!" Lily froze, lifting her eyes to Holly's, "He may not be the most responsible guy around, but he deserves a chance! You evidentially don't deserve his attentions if you're going to act like you've a sodding broomstick up your rear end over him getting a badge of all things!" Her face was millimetres from the redhead and her temper spiked further when her defence was met with a disdainful look.

"And you are? His newest groupie I presume?"

"Excuse me?!"

"Actually Lily, Holly is James's cousin," Remus had joined the fray now, sensing that neither girl was in the mood to back down, "He did receive the Head Boy badge, it's certainly not mine. And I thought you were better than to be so sharp." His tone lacked the fire Holly's had, but the disappointment was more cutting to the red head than rage. Remus's hand wrapped around Hollys' side, pinning her wrist to her waist while Sirius's found her shoulders once more. The girl pulled away from both of them, catching James under his arm and giving a sharp tug.

"Let's go James. She's not worth your time. Forget her."

"But Hol-,"

"No, don't but Holly me. Anyone who treats you like that Jamie is not worth your time or love. There's someone great out there for you, and it's not her!"

"Really now Hol-,"

"Shut up Prongs and listen, you deserve better than that. No, correction - someone so negative doesn't deserve a guy as good as you!" Peter had darted ahead and opened the path into Diagon as Holly yanked an unwilling James after her, the other two bringing up the rear. She couldn't look at him, the image of Lily's cold rejection burned into her retinas. Another flame of anger danced upwards, her grip on his arm tightening and her nostrils flaring. Never. Never had she seen someone so cruel. The girl didn't have a heart if she could do that. She had a lump of crystallized ice.

Her attempt to continue her justifications was destroyed by James finally using his stronger legs to stall them. She stumbled forwards, the taller boy catching her and pulling her into his arms. His grip tightened gently for a moment, and she lifted her chin to look at him.

"Holly. You're the best fake cousin a guy could ask for." Lips opening and closing in shock, the girl eventually smiled. Shrugging out of James' grasp, she could hear Sirius sniggering and Remus murmuring a hushing noise.

"James," He raised an eyebrow, "Can the cheese and lets go shopping."

"Couldn't have put it better myself….,"

…..Sunsh-…..OW!"


	4. The Mud Slinger

Owls were hooting everywhere, smoke was cloying its way into her nostrils and throat and Holly was being struck by the strangest sense of Déjà vu with every turn she made. Sirius was tugging her trunk along with his own and James had an arm over her shoulder, guiding her towards the train. Where she had grown irritated when they'd fallen to directing her each time they visited some place, now it was almost normality. Remus had gone to say goodbye to his parents, a timid looking woman and stoic male some ways ahead of the trio, while Peter was off being coddled by his mother too. Elizabeth and James Senior were both working, leaving Holly, Sirius and James to work of their own accord and in Elizabeth's words, "Not blow up the train before it left the station."

Scrubbing a hand over her cheek and wincing at the amount of noise that was assaulting her ears, Holly stepped onto the train and helped James levitate the trunks after them. They had just made it to the compartment, one which the spectacled teen had spent the last few days raving about saying it was the Marauder's alone, when they were accosted by one of the girls that had been sitting at the table with Evans that day in the Leaky Cauldron. The female approached them with a sort of uneasy look on her face, one which Holly mimicked when she drew closer.

"Hullo." The word was uncertain, and a quick glance at James showed that he too was holding back a snort.

"Yes, what do you want?" The greeting had been addressed to Holly herself, and she took her chance to fold her arms over her chest, feet planting themselves in a fighting stance.

"Um well…, you see….I wanted to….," The dark haired girl gave a nervous giggle, scratching at the spot behind her ear and drawing a side glance between James and Holly that had them equally confused.

"Always this articulate are we?" Holly's tone was sly, her expression bemused.

"Give the girl a chance Sunshine, I want to see what she has to say." His sentence finished on a gasp of sorts when said 'Sunshine' dug her elbow into his side with as much force as she could muster.

"I er-,"

"Oh spit it out will you, we haven't got all day."

"I'm sorry for what Lily said that day. To you both. You need to know that she was having a tough time of it at home. She will probably kill me for saying this, but I thought you guys needed to understand she's not usually…, that is to say,"

"The human channel for the devil?" Holly suggested at the same moment that James decided to put in his own two cents on that it was all forgotten. This spurred another elbow. James would undoubtedly be black and blue later, but he was being a doormat. He'd get over it.

"Actually, it's not forgiven. Whatever your name is," Holly broke off, waiting for a response which came rather quickly and through gritted teeth.

"Roxanne, an-,"

"As I was saying _Roxanne_ , it's not forgiven. Lily Evans was out of line, and nobody treats my cousin like that. She's got problems? Well boo-hoo. Everybody has. Tell that to someone who just lost family members by the hands a psychotic serial killer. I'm sure the kids of the Maddox' family will be pleased to hear that poor Lily Evans has problems. Now toddle off and tell your so called friend to grow a back bone and learn to apologize _herself_." Roxanne stood frozen in front of them, while Holly led James into the compartment and letting her trunk thud to the floor, sat down, breathing hard. She could feel James' eyes on her, but closed him out by staring out the window.

Tears of anger were lingering in her eyes, ones she hastily blinked away. How dare Lily Evans be so manipulative? Sending her friend to apologize for her own mistakes, that was sodding low. Letting her lids drift shut, she curled into herself on the seat. If she could just remember who she was, things wouldn't be so damn hard to shut out. Instead she scoured every news heading for the signs of a missing girl, for the deaths of parents. What she was finding instead was only serving to tear her in two.

"Holly. You have to stop reading the Prophet. It's making you upset." Remus had somehow read her mind, the door of the compartment sliding shut as Sirius and Peter followed behind him. James had clearly filled them in on what had happened in the few short seconds of their meeting up through what appeared to be head tilts and hand signals, and while the rest stayed quiet, Remus had braved approaching her. A surge of warmth overtook her as her put an arm over her shoulder, making her realize she was shivering.

"But what if they're looking for me? My family. I might miss it if I don't check it all the time! What if they're one of the families that he's killed?! How do you all deal with this? Not knowing if…if he's gotten to them. If he's after the people you love?" She had included the other three to her panic, and Remus rubbed at her arm gently.

"Sssh Hols. We do worry. We're just better at hiding it. If you dwell on this stuff all the time it'll drive you nuts. You need to relax a little bit." Sirius sat down opposite her, picking up her hand and massaging circles into her knuckles. Surprisingly, the action settled her a little.

"It's a good thing she landed with us then eh Padfoot? The comedy kings of the school and all that?" Peter was grinning, his knees bobbing up and down in a motion she'd quickly grasped was just a reflex for him. Sirius nodded and James laughed softly in reply, running a hand through his already mussed hair.

"Too right Wormtail. Sunshine and the Marauders. You can look innocent and distract all the professors while we pull off our stuff," A swiftly aimed kick from the girl in question corrected him; "Or maybe you can contribute too. Merlin Holly, you're a violent sort aren't you."

"That's why it's good she's on our side Prongs." Remus kissed the top of her head before shaking his own. "I heard you take Roxanne down a notch. Damn you're scary."

"Didn't you know Moony? Girls are mean." Peter interjected at once, and this brought another series of laughing from the group. For what must've been the millionth time in the last four weeks, despite the confusion and the terror and the sodding amnesia, she felt like she belonged. And it felt nice.

* * *

Ending up with Sirius as they left the train, overloaded on most of the trolleys worth of sweets and holding her hood up, Holly wasn't feeling the very best. To add to that, Sirius was acting strange. He had been beside her most of the walk, but had recently paused and was glancing at the ground, then to Holly, and back to the ground again. Rolling her eyes, the teenager turned around once more and continued on, a sudden gust of wind robbing her of her hood.

"I. Hate. Rain." Muttering to herself as she dragged her feet through the mud, a heavy downpour having started while they were leaving the train, Holly could just about have cursed every deity above were it not for the splat that met the back of her head. Freezing up, the sticky substance dripping down her neck and making her cringe, she let loose a strangled gasp and dropped the coat she'd been trying to restore to her head.

"What the HELL?" Spinning about, Sirius was standing behind her and evidentially aiming to look like he'd just appeared there. It would've worked too but for the mud dripping off his raised hand. When he noticed her gaze straying that direction he hastily dropped it behind his back and gave her a look of the fakest innocence she'd ever seen in her life – or the portion of her life she could remember that was.

"Moony! I…er…told you not to throw that!"

"Sirius Black…you absolute PONCE!" Crouching she scooped up a handful of the stuff, flinging it in his direction. The sod was standing there with a foolish grin, almost daring her to miss. It was as if he didn't think she could hit him. Oh _ho!_

"Easy now love! It was Moony….Or an acciden- GAAAH!" Her target had struck, slapping him full force into the face. While he was coughing up mud, she ran at him, crouching just enough so that her shoulders met his gut and knocked him sprawling to the ground. She could hear shrieks from passers-by, some egging them on, others dismayed at the goo they were sending in all directions from their tussling.

"Sirius Black, you picked the wrong-," Shoving a pile of mud into his face, her position on top of the boy was thrown into dismay when he clutched at her shoulder and spun them over.

"You, Sunshine, are the one who chose incorrectly! Thinking you cou-" She knocked her fist into the sensitive place between his ribs and he gasped, his hold on her failing while she took the chance to twist them again. By now they were both so heavily saturated with dirt and damp they were unrecognisable, streaks running down Holly's cheeks from the rain. Her knee worked its way to his crotch, and she pressed it down softly, lowering her head to his ear.

"Apologise Padfoot. Or you lose your name as the most datable guy in Hogwarts." The blow smacked at the side of her face this time, the chunks flying into her eyes and mouth, and a fair portion getting sniffed up her nose at her indignant cry. She crushed a handful into his ear, laughing as she did so. He however clung to her hip and knocked her off of him once more. She was about to lunge towards the boy again when a monstrous sized hand caught her by the back of her robes, hiking her into the air.

"OI! Cut it ou' you two! Yer' scaring the firs' years!" A huge man was holding herself and Sirius in his hands as if they weighed no more than a bag of sugar between them, before dropping them to the ground again, but keeping a hand on each of their shoulders.

"Calm down Hagrid old pal, Holly and I were just doing a casual bit of spatting. Nothing to get your pants in a twist for." The man chuckled, patting them both on the back so forcefully that Holly's legs gave way, and were it not for the sudden appearance of Remus behind her, she would've crumbled to the dirt.

"Damn it Sirius. You two are going to get us all in detention before term even starts!" The sandy haired boy groaned his disapproval, and then crinkled his nose in distaste as he made sure Holly was straight on her feet. "Sodding hell Sunshine. You need a bath." She poked her tongue out at him in response as Sirius waltzed past to the nearest carriage that James and Peter were ogling out of. She responded by hoisting another handful of mud down the back of his shirt. Hagrid shouted at them. Remus cringed as Sirius's flailing sleeve caught him in the face. This was going to be a long damn year.

* * *

"Sod it to hell Sunshine, I still have gunk in my ear." Grinning like a true Marauder at Sirius's outburst on the trek towards Gryffindor tower, Holly simply shrugged.

"Shouldn't have attacked me then. Though, you know its luck we didn't end up with a months' worth of detentions."

"Oh, I can always smooth talk Minnie out of a rant. It helped I was telling the truth too."

"Telling her she looks positively dashing in the light of a dungeon fire isn't exactly a truth. Neither was the phrase, "Holly slipped and while trying to help her up I slipped too." It's fitting the settings around an artful lie. Remind me never to believe anything you say again okay?"

"I'm surprised you hadn't figured that out already Holly. Honestly, he's got that shady look about him. He's smarmy and flattering, and next thing you know, BAM!" Peter slammed his fist into his palm for emphasis, "The sod has dyed your hair pink and your clothes are all six sizes too small." Holly paused, looking warily at both boys beside her, the taller of which had his little finger in his ear. She loosed a breath after a moment and picked at some mud on her school shirt. She'd found a first floor bathroom to clean her clothes in upon her arrival, but had obviously missed a few spots in her rush.

"Ever do that to me and I disembowel you. For real." Sirius shuddered at the recollection of her threat. While she walked on after voicing her opinion, Peter looked slyly to the dark haired boy, mouth creasing as he hid a laugh and an 'I told you so.' Girls were evil packages wrapped up in a pretty casing. Sirius, thinking along the same lines as the shorter lad, simply sighed and cast a wistful look after the girl. Evil as she was, she was a damn good fighter. His ear popped, and he groaned. It would take him months to get the crap out of his ears. It proved one thing though, the Marauder's had a new member. One more menacing than all of the rest of them put together.

Holly paused, releasing that the boys weren't on either side of her anymore and looked over her shoulder. Hitching a brow, she needed only a few words to spur them into action.

"Are you coming or not? We need to get that return party into swing before Evans' gets back from Prefect duty. Might as well celebrate getting out of detentions no?"

Yes, she would fit in _perfectly._


	5. War Zone

N.E.W.T's. If Holly heard one more word about them she'd hex somebody's nose off. Preferably that Narcissa Black girl if she didn't stop tittering over the damn letter she'd gotten from her beloved and betrothed a few hours previously. Gripping the desk hard enough to have her fingernails digging into the wood, the girl attempted a look towards James who was sitting beside her. From the stiffness of his back and the missing chunks of the timber, she was guessing he felt pretty much the same. A half turn to take in Peter behind them, eyes bulging from information overload and tiredness, Holly deduced they all pretty much felt like jumping off of the nearest astronomy tower. Luckily, Slughorn called the class to a halt and the students scrambled from their seats as fast as possible.

"Damn it all, I swear if I hear another thing about exams…," Leaving the threat hanging in mid-air, she sighed loudly.

"I know…it's depressing…," James agreed, slinging an arm over her shoulder softly and guiding her towards the stairwell.

"Not as depressing as this," Remus thrust a paper under their noses, the front page highlighting another attack. The Meadowes family had been all but wiped out, leaving only their daughter Dorcas alive. She'd been abroad at the time, studying in the American Gringrotts division.

"Poor Dory. She was always an absolute angel whenever she caught us pulling a prank."

"She tutored me before my O.W.L's for potions." Holly raised a brow at Sirius, disbelieving that he'd needed help in any of his subjects.

"Amongst other things." The addition was hasty, the boy's cheeks colouring slightly.

"She and Sirius were together for a bit." Peter supplied, earning himself a thwack to the back of the head.

"Until she went and snogged someone else." There was a brief silence before the group sighed together.

"I wonder would Dumbledore let us out for the funeral." Remus said after a moment, and Holly studied his face. She let her gaze wash over the others, and saw a deep sadness and hurt in all of their faces. This Dory girl, whomever she was, had suffered greatly and each one of the boys was sharing that pain.

"There's been so many killed in the past few months alone, if he let us take time out for all of them, it'd kind of negate the reason for continuing to keep the school open." Peter mumbled. The boys let out a few noncommittal noises in response, the common room just ahead. The tower itself was equally quiet, news of the former Gryffindor's family spreading like wildfire. Mary McDonald was crying in the corner, her shoulder being patted by Lily Evans. Roxanne was sitting opposite, murmuring something soothing.

"Mary was dating Lorcan Meadowes. Dory's twin brother." Holly nodded, feeling slightly out of touch with the situation. She was sorry for the girl; there wasn't any doubt of that. She'd just no idea if people _she'd_ loved were dead. Hell, her family could've been out there searching for her just then, but with no luck. The main problem with that theory was the presence of school books and a Gryffindor uniform in her trunk. While she was certain she'd attended Hogwarts all her life, the fact that James and the other Marauders had no idea who she was before meeting them, it didn't really make sense. Of course, Dumbledore had probably some of the answers, but as of yet, she hadn't had the time to speak with him. Partially because of the amount of homework being given out, partially because she was terrified.

Why? She wasn't so sure. But to even contemplate meeting the man alone, had her knees knocking together like no tomorrow. Next week. She'd speak with him then.

"Hey Hols!" The teen turned, hoisting her bag higher on her shoulder, balancing a few books in the crook of her arm by the subtle shift in weight. James was running towards her, a roll of parchment in his hand. He brandished it at her like it contained all the secrets of the world. Instead it was only two sentences, composed of five words altogether.

" **Quidditch Try outs"**

 **Sign Up Now!**

Hoisting a brow, she gave him a why-the-hell-are-you-showing-me-this, look. His glee faded slightly, and he pulled a quill from his pocket.

"Sign it Sunshine! We're in need of a chaser and a beater. Sirius reckons you'd match his moves perfectly!" Now it was time for Holly to look dejected, shaking her head slowly.

"No dice Jamie. Heights aren't my thing.."

"But you flew with us during the holidays!"

"I flew when I was with one of you guys on the broom. Holding on for dear life. I don't do quidditch." Her tone was deadpan, and a half grin crossed the bespectacled marauder for a second. Obviously he was recalling the gouge marks Holly'd given Sirius when he'd done a loop in the air. The boy still rubbed his shoulders at times. A just dessert for him in her opinion.

"Will you come to the matches though? Maybe some training sessions too? For moral support?" He turned his mastered puppy gaze on her and the teen scowled. She couldn't win against that.

" _Fine_."

"Holly, you are a-," She cut him off quickly, wand appearing scarily quick in her already full arms.

"But if you so much as try to get me in the air again, I will hurt you!" James laughed at the threat, his mood buoying up once more.

"Sure thing! Now give me those books. Your arm is turning purple." Glancing downwards, she noted that he was right. She relinquished her hold on the giant tomes, smirking as James uttered an obscenity from the weight.

" _The Magic of Memory"_ He spoke the title with curiosity, before moving it to the bottom and sifting his way down to the last. He read each one with a tone of bemusement before looking back up at Holly, "Hols…I'm one hundred percent sure that Dumbledore knows more than all of these books together. Just go speak with him."

"No. Not yet. He's busy." It was her latest excuse, one she told herself when weird things happened. Ghosts were common at Hogwarts, but sometimes she'd see kids that weren't actually there. Faces she was sure she should've recognized, but with names that escaped her. Her dreams were haunted by flashes of light. And in each one she woke, cold sweat all over and a dying scream on her lips. If Lily or Roxanne had made note of it, they said nothing. They occasionally shook her awake at night, but neither of them had acknowledged as much once daylight hit. Holly was glad of it, especially since she'd had little conversation with either girl since their clashes before term. Mary McDonald, the final girl in the room, had been fluctuating between the hospital wing and her home. The stress of her boyfriend's death was taking its toll.

"Y'know. Mum said she's there if you need to talk Sunshine. And you know…"

"I know." James beamed, shoulder bumping against her and sending her staggering sideways. "But don't think I'm telling you more than you need to know."

"Oh Merlin, never. I think I'd scratch my own ears out at that. Girl troubles. Whoever wanted to know about _those_." He stretched an arm over her shoulder and they shared half a smile, followed by a grimace from James. His relinquished arm was pulled back just as fast to try balance the weight of her books. Holly laughed, gaze flittering to a few students also moving toward the Gryffindor tower. A bushy head of hair caught her eye and she almost exclaimed outward before clamping down on her tongue. For half a moment, she'd been sure she knew the name of the girl. Knew the _face_. But now the girl had skipped ahead, disappearing from view.

"Almost to the common room Jamie. Chin up. You offered." Walking ahead, she gave the password to the Fat Lady, portrait swinging open to let her in. It was already full, dinner over and curfew just kicking in. Hands falling to her hips, she scanned the room for Remus and the others, grinning when they threw her a wave.

Dumping the books onto the table, she and James took seats that Sirius wrestled off some first years. Holly would've felt bad, but the same kids had blown up something in the fireplace during their first week back that had driven her anxiety and stress into overdrive, so her sympathies were few and far between.

"Dory's family are being buried today, and they just found another muggle family in Essex that didn't have a mark on them. I heard McGonagall saying that the youngest child was on the Hogwarts roster, but no one knows how those murderers knew that," Peter was speaking softly, opening a newspaper on top of the rest of their books.

"I hear the Bones' family are gone into hiding, my dad said that Edgar has gone off the grid, taken Amelia and their younger brother with them," Remus's face was schooled into a fierce expression, his hands taut with tension.

"Well once I'm graduated, I'm going after that murderous ass. Who the hell does he think he is anyways? Killing kids and adults alike, the last place the death eaters trashed showed signs of a proper struggle. Those muggles didn't exactly get quick deaths," Sirius looked livid, and Holly could only sit in silence. She'd been following the papers still, trying to fathom if someone was missing or looking for her. But each time she opened the Prophet, her heart would sink a little further.

All the boys' tempers had been sparked now, and Holly knew from experiences over the past few months that no jokes would be had for at least an hour. They were recanting all the deaths and the attacks and the anger that would spend so long being bottled up had to explode every so often. Her stomach turned, and feeling a familiar tightness in her chest, she excused herself.

She had barely made it to the dorms when the fear washed over her, her breathing erratic and useless for actually drawing breath. Leaning against the door frame for support, she gasped for breath and tried to dampen down the fear but couldn't. She wasn't even aware anyone was in the room until Lily was practically on top of her.

"Holly, what's wrong?" Holly pushed her back, trying to filter words out but only ended up crouching on the floor with her head between her knees. Lily was hovering, and after a moment of indecision, dropped down to Hollys' height. Holly was starting to turn purple, and the more she gasped, the more scared she felt. Her eyes were wide with fear, her heart raced.

"Get up, now. On your feet!" Lily's tone brooked no argument, and Holly, crying now, forced herself to her feet. She wanted to smack the girl, but she was barely able to keep her body upright let alone pull out her wand. The red head looked stern, but what she did next served to only confuse Holly more. She started doing star jumps.

"Follow my pace, count out loud. C'mon, do it _now._ " Holly hated her in that moment, but found herself mimicking the movements, tears spilling embarrassingly out of her eyes as she counted – slowly at first, but getting more determined and at ease as she got closer to double digits. By twenty, her heart rate had calmed and the tears were stopping. By twenty five, she knew what Lily had done, and by thirty she stopped. Wiping at her face, she sniffled, torn between apologising and thanking Lily.

Lily was smiling faintly, and she backed away to grab some tissues off of her night stand.

"Here you go."

"Thanks." Holly knew her tone was muffled and petulant, but she had been so horrible to James… even if he forgave her, shouldn't someone stand up for him? Glancing up uncomfortably, something caught her eye that she hadn't noticed in her distress.

"You were crying too." Lily's face, reddened from the jumping jacks, couldn't hide the puffiness of her eyes – or the faint streaks of mascara that lined her cheeks either. Curiosity battled stubbornness, and after a moment of silence where both girls refused to meet each other's eyes, Lily spoke.

"My mum is dying. It's a muggle disease - she'd been getting treatments and they had said that she was recuperating. But she had more scans done this week – and it- it's spread. Sh- she's p-p-probably only g-g-got a few w-w-we-weeks left," Her tears came fast and sudden, knocking what was left of Holly's panic out of her and sending her into a new realm of discomfort.

"Why don't you sit," Short of anything else to say, she guided the other girl to the bed, and put an uneasy arm around her shoulders, offering her back her own packet of tissues. She wondered if she should just go get Roxanne, but that didn't exactly seem like the right thing to do either. Up until five minutes previous they hadn't shared conversation since that day in the pub, and now Holly was a confidant? It made her _extremely_ uncomfortable.

"I d-d-didn't m-m-mean to be so r-r-rotten to James either. I-it's just," She took a steadying breath before continuing, blowing her nose in a manner that if Holly hadn't been weeping on the floor not ten minutes earlier she would have cringed, "He's relentless. I don't mean it in a horrible way, but he just, never _stops,_ and it's so uncomfortable when he comes at me, shouting and looking for attention. I mean, he's never _mean_ but he _stares_ , all the time. It's like an _obsession_ , and sometimes, I think I like him, but then he says something that I mentioned when we were _twelve_ , and it's terrifying. I mean he's no Severus, don't get me wrong, but it's almost as bad. He follows me around, he's always there when I need help with anything – and I know he means well, but it can be so – so _overwhelming._ "

Holly was stunned, and had to lick her lips before even venturing a response. She'd been so hell bent on hating Lily, that she'd never considered why Lily might have had such a vitriolic response to James being made Head Boy.

"In my fifth year – I think – there was a boy like that. I had just…," She struggled with the memory and bringing it to the forefront of her mind, but she had caught Lily's attention enough now that she had to soldier through, "I was alone for the first time in a while. This guy, he tried to take advantage of that. He was _everywhere_ I went. He persistently asked me out, followed me to the dorms as close as he could get, and even went as far as telling me he'd do something horrible to himself if I refused to date him. He was younger than me, and I could've handed him his behind if I was so inclined but I felt sorry for him and let him keep doing it again and again." The memory was hazy, but the fear and discomfort was palpable as if she was experiencing it all over again.

"I eventually broke down with -," She could see faces but the names were out of reach, "I broke down. I cried, and cried and tried to figure it out. They – they beat the hell out of him, not enough to grievously injury but he definitely hurt for a while after. They taught me some fantastic stinging hexes too. He never came near me again." She paused, Lily's eyes riveted on her, "The moral is not that my story is worse than yours. But when you're pursued like that, it can be hard to separate genuine interest with something carnal. That guy saw me as a conquest and used my vulnerability as a tool to win me over,"

She scratched at her nose to give her throat a break, using a tissue to wipe away the dampness that still sat under her eyes.

"James, I'm sorry he comes across that way. I know you don't have reason to trust me either, but he's not like that. He's crazy about you, in the best way. He lights up when he talks about you, and you occupy his thoughts on par with Quidditch. Hearing him talk about both is enough to want to make me beat him with a broomstick, but Lily, he's not scary when he talks about you. I think he'd do anything for you, even back down. But you have to tell him to do that – otherwise he's going to think it is okay to keep pushing. And it's not."

Lily was watching her intently, her face beautiful despite the tears and exercise and upset. Holly could understand then what James saw in her, because this time she wasn't retaliating with anger or mistrust. She was listening, and more importantly, processing. She cleared her throat, making Holly jump slightly.

"I'll try talk to him."

"Good." Holly stood, moving over to her own bed, gathering her pyjamas to at least have an excuse as to why she'd been upstairs so long, making her way to the bathroom.

"And Lily,"

"Hmmm,"

"If you ever want to – I'm sorry about your mum."

"Thank you."

"You too." The girls shared cautious smiles for a second, both realizing they might not dislike the other as much as they thought.

There was something soothing about potion brewing in Holly's opinion. Whether it was the methodical manner in which ingredients should be added, or the feeling of accomplishment when she achieved the right colour or texture, she wasn't entirely sure. All she was aware of were fumes pervading her senses, the single minded task at hand and the feel of the stirrer in her hand as she put the finishing touches to her attempt at amortentia.

"Well done Potter. Although more effective if your partner was on the same par as you." James was working with Peter, the latter whom was disastrously lacking in the potion making department. Peter was a lovely guy, but he struggled more with things than the rest of the group. Holly had to admire his perseverance – James, Sirius and Remus were so unanimously intelligent that despite the fact that they joked around quite a bit, they also helped keep Peter afloat. He also was heavily involved in most of their pranks, so what he lost in academia he more than made up for in sly ambition.

And he made the coolest origami frogs she'd ever seen. His skill at charms far outshone hers. But they both failed Transfiguration. James and Sirius however, aced McGonagall's class, even with their jokes and laid back attitudes. Holly struggled so much that the Professor had taken to spending more time with her than anybody else these days. She felt like this sudden drop in performance would disappoint someone, but she couldn't say who. Whoever it was, they were important. The tug in her gut she got with each failed spell told her that.

"Excellent Miss Potter! I do believe we have a new rising star here!" Slughorn chuckled to himself, leaning over her potion and breathing in deeply.

"Ice-cream!" He grinned, nodding at Holly once more in approval before moving on. Cautiously, the young witch leaned over her potion and sniffed. She was hit by the scent of wood chippings, a certain type of chocolate, mint and something that smelt a little like a summer rain, if that was possible. She looked up to find Remus watching her curiously.

"What do you smell?" She shook her head and tapped her nose, grinning at him.

"Secret." He laughed, leaning over his own.

"Old books, fresh mown grass, lavender and…," He paused, face scrunching up. She felt her heart quicken as he opened his eyes once more, curious expression back as he studied her, "Watermelons." She hitched a brow at that.

"Why watermelons?"

"I don't know. My mum used to try to grow them in a greenhouse out the back. The muggle way, before you know…," He made a gesture with his hands that confused her. For a second he froze, face giving away that he hadn't meant to say what he had. Blood pounding in her ears, she leaned forwards slightly on her seat. Curiosity drew her close to him, for Remus was an enigma. He claimed transparency, but he could be effortlessly evasive when the need took him. This was the first time he'd slipped up around her.

"Before…what?"

"Before we moved. New place doesn't have much of a garden really." She murmured agreement though she wasn't sure why, dropping her eyes until she was certain he'd relaxed once more. Then, she studied him for a few seconds. He'd lied to her. In all her time spent with him, he'd never once done that. He'd evaded the question, but never outright lied. She didn't like it. It made her feel….hurt. Shrugging it off, she finished her potion quickly, packing up as Slughorn called the class to a close. Backing towards the door, still mulling over the situation, she found herself face to face with another student.

"Holly Potter?," The boy asked, and she affirmed his question with an incline of her head and a murmur.

"Professor Dumbledore asked me to give this to you." He held out a small scroll of paper which she took gingerly, fingering it as if it were a howler about to explode.

"Thanks."

"No problem!" The boy ran off to join his friend down the hall, leaving her to stuff the paper into her pocket as James and Sirius's voices came up behind her, followed by Remus and Peter's. She could feel it resting against her hip, but she wouldn't read it. She didn't have to.

He was making the first move.

She'd been summoned.

* * *

A/N: Thank you Rs223 for the lovely review last chapter. I really appreciated it :) Enjoy all! :)


	6. The Other Black

The first game of the Quidditch season was to be held the end of October, between Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw. James had insisted they all go, despite Holly's protests that she'd sooner have asked the Giant Squid to take her on the next trip to Hogsmeade. Adding insult to injury, her avoidance of Dumbledore's summons to meet him was eating away at her. First she felt guilty for standing the man up, nervous that he'd be angry. Worst of all were the people she was seeing. The first few incidents had seemed so real, so crisp.

But after a couple of times of saying she knew somebody, only to have another tell her there was nobody where she was pointing, she had begun to worry. Of course her fall had obviously addled her mind somewhat. To hear Elizabeth tell it, she'd hit her head pretty hard. The faint white traces of scars also assured her it had been no easy trip to the grassy garden of the Weasley family. She had spent many a morning staring at her naked reflection in the bathroom mirrors and trying to contemplate how Elizabeth could put her back together but leave out the most important parts.

She thought she was going mad. Seeing people, dreaming of laughter and tears and sensations that sent her skin alight. It was mulling over this how Remus found her, his hand drawing over her shoulder as a greeting.

"Morning." He looked pale, eyes sunken into his face, skin waxy. Her curiosity peaked, lips pursing in a straight line.

"Afternoon." The boy started at her reply, reaching for her watch to see that she was indeed correct in her greeting. It was half past two in the afternoon.

"Slept well then?" Her question was light, concern marring the easy going attitude she wanted to uphold. He looked like death, and it was talking all her skill not to march him back up the stairs.

"Clearly. Where are James and the others?" He looked around as if they would pop out from behind the couches of the common room, yelling 'SURPRISE!'

"James is holding a practice. Had the team up at the crack of dawn. Silly boy reckons that the Hufflepuff, 'Claw game tomorrow will somehow miraculously destroy the pitch on him." They shared an eye roll. James was bright, but so ultimately obtuse whenever Quidditch was involved. Frankly, Holly didn't see the appeal. Sure, there was anger management in a bat for the beaters, but everyone else were just sitting ducks, waiting for some sort of brutal injury to befall them.

"He's still coddling you into going to the game?" She sighed loudly, the sound answer enough for her friend. Remus patted her shoulder softly in sympathy. "I'll keep you company. Slip you some runes to be decoding for me." Her lips quirked. Now didn't _that_ sound inviting. And Remus damn well knew it too.

"I think I'll take my chances watching the game thanks," She flung a dramatic arm over her eyes, "I don't ever know how I'll survive."

"I'll hold your hand." She froze, wondering why the idea of that sent a bubbling sensation down to her toes. Dropping her arm, she tossed a smirk his way.

"I'll keep you to your word then."

"Fine. I don't lie." Her eyes flinted for a moment, recalling his hasty words in the potions class a while back. Sinking back into her seat, she took a moment to let his words settle before shrugging.

"I hope not." It was his turn to close off. In all of seconds, flirty banter had descended to tension so thick she could've sliced it with a feather. Battling her urge to lean forwards, professing to him that she would be there if he needed to talk. She hadn't the words formed on her tongue before he cut her off.

"I'll tell you the truth. _Always_ , but only as long as you agree to tell me the truth. I know you're lying to everyone when you say you're okay. Because I know you're not. So until you admit that, and go to Dumbledore and figure out what's keeping you up at night, I'll keep my secrets. And you, yours." Her breath was held, eyes dropping to examine a thread on her sleeve. She hadn't told any of the boys of her sleeping issues, which meant either Roxanne or Lily, had sold her out. Just when she was starting to like them too. Her chance to reply was broken by the others tumbling through the portrait hole, laughing raucously at something one of them had said.

Rising from her seat, head turned from them so they wouldn't see her flushed cheeks, Holly picked up her parchment and quills. Not breaking eye contact with Remus as she did so.

"Tell them I'm busy." She spoke coldly, a contrast to the redness marring her neck and ears in splotches. He nodded, expression impassive. She disappeared to her room as fast as her feet would take her, slamming the door behind her. Breathing rough for a few moments, she flung her items to her bed, running to the bathroom. She just about made it into the room before the first sob racked her, creeping from deep in her lungs and bursting through her body. The panic attack was overtaking her as quickly as she was trying to smother it. Because, deep down, she knew Remus was right.

Which was why she wouldn't forgive him for it.

The day of the match drew cold and fresh, Holly observing it from her dorm window with annoyance pressing down on her. She'd gotten little sleep thanks to Remus's ideals on her personal issues, and that was more than irritating. She'd hidden in her room until dinner time, and only went down when it was drawing to a close. She knew the other boys would be worried, but running into them wasn't an option.

Rubbing at her eyes in an attempt to banish the cobwebs in her mind, she yawned deeply. Getting through this match on a full night's sleep would've been difficult enough on its own, but working on little to none was going to make it near damn impossible. When at last Lily's alarm clock rang out, she moved from her seat and into the bathroom. A jumper and jeans sufficed as clothing, makeup going on to try and lessen the slightly dark semicircles beneath her eyes.

Breakfast was an arduous affair, James and Sirius making chat to try and wheedle what was wrong out of her, and they continued at it until she snapped and threatened to disembowel them both, which put an abrupt end to their curiosities. Not however, without a snarky comment from Sirius, wondering whether it was her womanly times making her so distant. She responded with slamming her heel backwards into his shin. That was about the only thing to bring a smile to her face that morning, the anguished cry of a pained teenage boy.

To give him his due, Remus kept his word. As soon as the match kicked off, his hand found hers between the jostling of the crowd. Fingers knotted into his, she almost forgot her anger at the boy. _Almost_.

As the game grew more intense, so too, did the shouting from the stands. All around her, voices cried for attention, some cheering, some booing, all much too loud. A headache started just behind her eyes, and after a half hour, it was so intense that her stomach was playing up too, breakfast tumbling around agitatedly. She pressed her free hand to her head, low moan lost in the roar of the crowd. It took a nudge from Peter before she realized she had closed her eyes. The colours assaulted her when she snapped them open, training on a figure on the grassy floor of the pitch.

The boy couldn't have been any more than twelve; a young player, but what drew her gaze were his robes. Whilst the rest sported either black and yellow, or blue and bronze, he himself wore red and gold.

"Why…why is there a Gryffindor on the pitch?" Having to shout her answer made her head spin, but still Sirius didn't hear. Shaking his head, she scowled, catching his chin with her free hand and directing his gaze to the child. He shrugged, indicating that he couldn't see any problem. Pulling free from Remus, she growled. This time, she tried James. Surely he'd recognize one of his own players, whom now looked as if he were about to throw up.

"WHY IS THERE A GRYFFINDOR ON THE PITCH?" He followed her extended finger, before also shaking his head. A frightened thought struck her. It was another memory. But this one was so _lucid_. She was _sure_ the boy was there. She gave a strangled cry as he lurched onto his hands and knees as if he were going to throw up.

"HARRY!" The name burst forth without prompt, almost as if the words weren't her own. Just as quickly, her headache grew in intensity. She was going to get sick. Tugging out of the group, she ignored their protests, one person being able to slip through the crowd better than four. Especially when she had the advantage of not knowing where she herself was going. She was half way down the first flight of steps when her nausea almost knocked her off of her feet.

Her vision was swimming at best, the acrid smell of blood making her realize that she'd bitten too hard down on her lower lip. By the second set of stairs she was reeling, breath coming in sharp jabs in her chest. A boy was coming up the steps towards her, face familiar as day. This one however, was real, and his arms were the last thing she felt as she lost her footing and fell into oblivion.

* * *

"Hey. Hey c'mon, wake up," A voice was flowing over her, not the friendly tone she'd expected, but more clipped somehow, "Oi, you can't just go fainting on people like that!" The humour was the same however.

Eyes cracking open a smidge, she found herself confused.

"Sirius?" The boy in front of her smiled, shaking his head.

"Afraid not. My dear darling brother would probably kill you for that comparison you know." She wracked her memory to remember where she'd seen him before. The Great Hall. Sirius had pointed him out as sitting beside Snivillus. His younger brother. Regulus Black.

"I'd kill him first." She croaked a response, opening her eyes fully. He'd sat her down on the staircase, his hands holding her shoulders firmly so she wouldn't fall again. Regulus chuckled, loosening his grip.

"I won't disagree with you there. Saw the blow you dealt him on the first day back." She grinned remembering the fight; Sirius still complained that he'd be going to his grave with mud in his ears. "Now, I better be go-,"

"NO! – Please. Don't." She wasn't sure why, but she didn't want to be left alone. This boy was the perfect solution. He had the right amount of Sirius in him to keep her amused, and enough distance between them to ensure she wouldn't be mollycoddled. She made to stand to ensure he wasn't going anywhere but instead of rising straight she lurched sideways spectacularly, world still feeling off kilter.

"Easy now love, take your time. I'll stay another minute. Though I really should be watching the match." His expression was wry, eyes moving to the top of the stairs where the sounds of the crowd were still going strong.

"Why did you…help me at all?" She indicated their contrasting colours, he obviously a slytherin and she a gryffindor. With the tables turned, she'd probably have saved him, but the only Slytherin's she had met with the Marauders had been thuggish and unnerving. They wouldn't have hesitated in letting her fall. Or at the very least, wouldn't have hung around for her to wake up.

"I may be a venomous traitor in the eyes of most people, or a brave young man in others, but I was raised to be chivalrous. Or at least stop people from falling down the stairs." She nodded, curious of the wording of his answer, "Besides, not all us Slytherins want to destroy you lions. I mean, you've never done anything to me. What would be the point in me letting you fall?"

"There'd be none."

"Exactly." Now that she could study him better, she noticed the differences that she had missed before. His hair was shorter, nose longer. His skin was a shade paler too, and the bags under his eyes just about rivalled her own. He looked as if he was going through hell, and gaining nothing from the experience but pain and heartache. For all the cordiality of his tone, his eyes gave him away. He was uncomfortable in speaking to her, wishing he could be anywhere but at her side. There was a chill lurking beneath his surface, marking him as somebody she could see slipping off the precipice of the world without a second thought for anybody. It scared her.

"OI! YOU! WHAT'D YOU DO TO HER!" Sirius's voice barrelled over them, making her wince, Regulus standing stoically and glaring icily at his elder brother.

"I did nothing. She fell of her own accord." Her friend simply scoffed, muttering something that sounded like "likely story," just under his breath. Holly's head ached too much to listen to them argue.

"It's true," The Slytherin's outrage was evident, Holly's weak plea lost in the electricity crackling between the siblings, "Maybe you should just take better care of your friends?"

"Why YOU-,"

"Sirus, we don't have time for you to go all alpha male here, Holly's paler than my dead aunt Audrey. Let's just get her to the hospital wing okay?" Remus's voice cut the tension as he slipped an arm under hers, helping her to her feet. Regulus slunk away to the angry mutterings of his brother. Again, Holly tried to defend the younger boy but that too was lost by a whirl of her stomach.

"Steady on love, we've got you," Remus whispered softly to her, his hold tender. He was surprisingly strong for how reedy he looked. He held her to him as if she weighed no more than a bag of sugar. Her head rested on his shoulder, while Sirius's hand graced the small of her back. A minute later, James and Peter came running up from the bottom of the staircase.

Despite any protests, she found herself directed to the hospital wing. There, the young matron gave her a few potions, checked her out and settled her into a cot for the night. It was only a while later, when the boys had been thrown out, that she realized something.

Indirectly, she'd all but missed the quidditch match.

Maybe, just maybe, the day wasn't a complete loss.

* * *

AN: Sorry for the delay on this chapter - I fell down the HP RPG rabbit hole (look up mischief managed jcink rpg if you're interested - it's an awesome AU!) - but I'll try be more frequent! I have a few chapters almost ready to go so I'll update weekly as much as is possible! :)

Thanks for any reviews - they are very very much appreciated.


	7. Gone

"So these memories, you have no control over them." Holly shook her head, biting into a sherbet lemon as Dumbledore puzzled over her situation. The faint hadn't been her trigger, so much as the name she'd called out. Harry. She had someone close to her…who was evidentially a Gryffindor quidditch player, and a boy she'd been so worried about his name came bursting from somewhere deep in the recesses of her memory. Unfortunately, whatever had triggered her shout was long since closed off again. She hadn't seen so much as a faint trace of the people who had been haunting her for weeks.

Even her dreams had been remarkably untouched of late. A relief for everyone involved. The Professor had said little on her late visit or on anything much besides that actually. For all his intents to get her to his office, the man was engaging very little with her. He shifted on his seat, leaning forwards and resting his fingertips against each other. His blue eyes were piercing, but there was a hesitation behind them. Something Holly didn't understand.

And then, out of the blue, it hit her.

"YOU THINK I'M A SPY!" The man did not deny it. Outraged, she rose from her seat.

"I'm not making this all up! Why else…why else would I be friends with James?! If I was working for Voldemort, don't you think I'd choose a group _less_ conspicuous to hang out with?"

"I don't know. Why should you? You could blend better with the most popular group of students in the school than without."

Spluttering, the teen glared at the Headmaster.

"I'm not a spy. I'm not under any curse, or aware of any plot to bring you down for Voldemort. You'd think a spy would be better set as a Professor than a student. Authority and an ability to call students aside without too much of a raised brow," She paused for breath, sitting once more, voice lethally calm, "You're a legimens, Sirius told me. Use my memories, I won't block you."

Apparently, occlumency was something she'd learned. Then again, she was reasonably sure that most kids in magical families were trained in it to a certain degree. She couldn't be sure of the main reason why, but nevertheless, when James Senior had tried to breach her mind whilst she was unconscious, she'd somehow kicked him out.

"That won't be necessary Miss Potter. I believe you." Lids cracking a smidge, she studied him.

"Why?" It was her turn to be suspicious, paranoid that he was trying to catch her off guard.

"Because anyone that follows Voldemort names him as The Dark Lord, and any who don't or would be shielding themselves behind a cowardly farce, would name him as You-Know-Who. Only someone who actually stands _against_ his actions, and sees him for the monster he is, would call him Voldemort. Because they know there is only power in allowing him to instil fear in a name." He sat back, a smile gracing his lips and extending towards his eyes for the first time that evening.

"So no mind invasion then?"

"No." She relaxed on her seat, returning his grin now.

"I can't believe you thought I was a spy." She was pouting, but his mistrust smarted.

"It's self-preservation. I don't doubt that Voldemort has many followers in this school. Letting down my guard around any would be foolish." Holly nodded, understanding his point of view entirely. She could put herself there. Being in charge of a whole bundle of people, and not knowing if one lot were plotting to kill another just for their blood…it'd be diabolically hard.

"Well, before we get down to actual business, can I just say something?," The man gave her his assent, and she leaned forwards on her elbows with a sparkle in her eyes, "Your hair is _awesome_."

The headmaster threw his head back and laughed.

Descending from the office a while later, Holly's head was aching. Despite her qualms about everything, Dumbledore had been nothing but polite and eager to assist her. He'd talked her through her arrival, and the small bursts of memories she'd been getting. Inquired about Harry. In short, he'd wiggled information out of her that she'd been bottling up for weeks. And while it was a weight lifted, it equally made her head hurt to think of how much of her past she was lacking.

She'd barely got past the stone gargoyles when Sirius and James appeared out of nowhere, making her shriek and stumble backwards. They'd shown her the invisibility cloak only a few days previously, and had been glorying in scaring the pants off of her each chance they got.

"GUYS!"

"Sorry! We just wanted to make sure you'd be alright." James piped up quickly, arms held in a defensive manner. Like he was certain a blow was going to come and he'd need to block it. Sirius had no such qualms however.

"We actually wanted to know what he said to you!"

"Did he give out about our pranks?"

"Is he trying to get you to spy on us?"

"Did he have any sweets? He did last time I was there!"

Holly could only gape dumbly at them, before catching them both by the hair closest to their scalps and banging their heads together lightly.

"Shut up! You two are incorrigible!" Throwing her hands into the air, she stalked off towards their tower.

"Irresistible you mean Sunshine."

"Irritating more like!"

"Interesting I'd say Pads."

"Exasperating!"

"Exciting, I think she meant Prongs."

"Infuriating!"

"Loveable."

"Oh shut up!" She stopped, turning around to glare at them both to find that they'd disappeared under the cloak once more. To know she'd been essentially arguing with voices in an empty corridor made her more tired than annoyed.

"She looks sad Pads. Maybe we should give her the good news?"

"Ah, no she'll probably just hex us anyways."

"Tell me!" She grasped outward, hoping to make contact with their hidden forms, growing annoyed once more.

"Yeah, you're probably right. Safer to wait."

"Most definitely. I mean, I'm sure she doesn't care Remus's back!" Holly froze, eyes widening. Remus! He'd gone home a few days earlier, saying his mum was ill or something. The teen had spent half her time worrying her bottom lip to pieces about whether he was okay or not. He'd looked all too sickly himself. To go home and have to take care of his own mother on top of that? Ridiculous!

She turned tail, forgetting about her ghostly followers and pegged it for the tower. Scampering into the hallway, she somehow got her breath in line to give the fat lady the password before running again. The door to the boys' room burst open before her, and she near about fell over the threshold. Peter's jaw slackened as he squeaked away from the doorway he'd evidentially been about to leave through, and Holly hacked out a quick "sorry!" before sidestepping him and moving to the bed she knew to be Remus's.

There the boy sat, book opened on his lap and an eyebrow hitched in bemusement. He looked much the same, but better at the same time. The sickly pallor was gone from his skin, but the circles under his eyes were deeper. And there was something else. A faint ring of purple marked his right eye, splotches of yellow and brown mixed into it.

"You're hurt!"

"Well hello to you too! Not half eager to see me were we?" She flushed at his words, moving forwards to sit on the edge of his bed gently. The smallest trace of a smile touched her lips, but her eyes didn't soften.

"What happened? Did…did someone hit you?" The boy laughed then, putting his book aside and shaking his head.

"If by someone, you mean my Aunty Maud's goat, then yes. I got a nice kick to the face for my efforts to pull the damn animal out of the shrubbery. It doesn't hurt all that much. James already said he'd start a rumour saying I put the other guy in Mungo's." His tone was wry, stating that he'd little enjoy that story getting around, even if the truth was all too embarrassing. She lifted her hands, tenderly moving his face so she could see the mark in better light. Her fingers drifted over it, and he seemed to be holding his breath.

"Fine. I believe you." The eyebrow went back up. "What? I just want to be sure you're okay! Is that so bad?" He said that it wasn't, a grin flickering over his expression. After a moment, her own face lit up. He was safe. It was all that mattered. Still, the strange knotted sensation in her stomach didn't go away altogether. She could almost say it wouldn't until he was completely back to normal.

"Merlin, if that was me; she'd have given me a matcher. Not half kiss it better."

"Well, you'd deserve it." Sirius and James had reached the room now, and she turned to stick her tongue out at them. "And teasing me wasn't very polite. I may just have to pull my assistance from those potions you're brewing."

"No!" Peter held his hands out, the first to break to her threat.

"Seriously Holly! You can't! We _need_ them!" James's tone wasn't far off of a pleading whine, his hazel eyes wide in terror. Only Sirius seemed unaffected. He lingered at the door, face taut in concentration. Obviously attempting to find a replacement for her. Then, with a pained expression, he turned his most soppy face on her.

"Pleaseeeeeeeee don't?" She chuckled. All was right with the world again.

The maze had grown almost sinister with the fading light of the day. Holly sat between the twins, holding onto the scarf in her hand so tightly her knuckles had turned white. Licking her lips, she made note of the sparks that had gone up. The other contestants were out, leaving just Harry. And _him_. It almost felt like everything over the past year had lead up to this moment. The fights, the proclamations of love. The tears. The pain. The jealousy. Her teeth gnawing furiously on her bottom lip, the girl could taste the metallic taste of blood where she'd broken the skin. One of the boys, she couldn't say who, reached out for her hand. She knew something was wrong.

She could feel it in her gut. They'd been in the maze too long. Why wasn't anyone _doing_ anything?! Then, a flash flickered in the sky and the crowd were on their feet. People started to cheer. The two of them were together, Hogwarts had their champions. Moving out into the crowd, she pushed her way through until she hit the base of the steps. She wasn't the only one dubious of the victory. The headmistress had a scared, thin look to her face. Her movements grew more frantic, hands reaching out so she could break through.

Harry…Harry was just… _crying_. And he…he was….

"No….," The word was a whisper, followed by a scream. Hands were pulling her away, but she struggled against them.

"Holly! He's gone…he's _gone_ …

"Holly! Holly! Wake up!" She sprang upwards on the bed, sweat lacing every inch of her body. Lily was sitting in front of her, a fact she didn't notice straight away. Her mouth was open in the remnants of a scream, and her breath coming in ragged spurts. Clutching her hands to her chest, she threw herself into Lily's arms, sobs coming fast and painful as a single phrase stuck on repeat in her head.

"He's gone…he's gone…h-e's g-g-gone!" Her words made no sense to her own ears, and she was certain even less to the redhead.

"Shush, shush…I…I've got you." A hand rubbed at her back, and she heard flitters of conversation pass between Lily and Roxanne, and then the door was slamming but Holly couldn't focus. All she could feel was the shattering pain in her chest, of a wound so long ago closed, bursting open. Tears streamed freely from her eyes, the vulnerability stinging almost as much as the heartache.

"It's okay Holly…it's...it's okay…" Had she been more aware of her surroundings, she'd have heard the hitch of Lily's words, and felt the mingle of tears with her own. Someone was helping her to stand, Roxanne was back. The two helped her down to the common room where Sirius scooped her up into his arms; the soft hands of Remus, James and Peter all brushing back her hair, working on her tears, trying to placate her. It could've been ten minutes, could've been an hour, but she felt a downy pillow shoved under her head, steadying arms wrapping around her waist. All the while, the words still came…fading to a whisper.

"He's gone…he's gone…

"…He's dead"


End file.
